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Anxious attachment style

By Aneesa Moidoo, Psychologist

I ’ve been married for three years and am thirty years old.

Every three months, my spouse’s job requires him to travel.

His lack of prompt response to my calls and messages annoys and frustrates me when he’s not around.

I think he has enough time to do more than just reply to my message.

How can I resolve this? It’s understandable that you feel irritated and frustrated when your husband doesn’t respond to your calls and messages as quickly as you needed.

However, these feelings might stem from an anxious attachment style, where you may seek more reassurance and closeness in the relationship.

Hence it’s essential to recognise that your feelings are valid and you’re not alone in this struggle.

First and foremost, it’s important to acknowledge your emotions and accept them without judgment.

It’s okay to feel the way you do, and you deserve understanding and support.

Recognising how you get attached is a significant step, as it allows you to work towards understanding the root causes of your feelings of insecurity and abandonment.

Remember, you have the power to transform these negative experiences into positive, corrective attachment experiences.

Start by being kind and patient with yourself. Reflect on moments in your life when you felt loved and worthy, both from others and from within.

These memories can serve as a foundation for building your self-esteem and self-worth.

Boosting self-esteem intervenes with the worries related to self-worth and fears of rejection.

Building this involves thinking positively about yourself, accepting your mind and body, and understanding that other people’s actions are not necessarily a reflection of your worth.

High self-esteem can reduce the need for constant reassurance and decrease the fear of rejection.

Building connections with people who have secure attachment styles can provide valuable insights and support.

Understanding that your emotional needs are valid and learning to communicate them effectively are crucial in any relationship.

Don’t be afraid to set boundaries and express your needs, even if it feels challenging at first.

Practising mindfulness and self-regulation can help you navigate through difficult emotions and triggers.

Mindfulness allows you to be present in the moment, helping you recognise and manage your emotional responses.

Self-regulation techniques, such as calming exercises and conflict resolution strategies, can empower you to handle situations more effectively.

Consider seeking therapy as a safe space to explore your feelings and work through your attachment patterns.

Therapy can provide you with valuable tools and insights, helping you understand the origins of your anxieties and guiding you toward forming healthier, more secure bonds with others.

Remember that change takes time, and it’s okay to take small steps.

Be patient with yourself, celebrate your progress, and lean on the support of those around you.

You have the strength within you to overcome and cultivate healthier, fulfilling relationships.

Take each day as an opportunity to grow and learn, and with determination and support, you can make positive changes in your attachment and overall well-being.

(The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the Daily Tribune)