Fitness Saga

“36”

“How come it is 36 now?  Last time, you had said it was 34!”  Can you try with 34?”

“No, 34 would be difficult, we have to go with 36.”

“Alright, Narayan.  36 is OK then”.

For the avoidance of doubt whatsoever, let me clarify that I was not talking to any salesman, but to Narayan, my tailor, who is, as of now, the last person in town to discover that I have  grown big horizontally within a span of a quarter.    He was taking measurements for a trouser, a bespoke one,  as it has become a herculean task to find a befitting one for myself off the shelf due to the recent disparity in my length and breadth from a tailor’s point of view!

Coming back home, I looked at the mirror.

I turned towards the left, and then to the right.   Noticed my popped out paunch,   which seemed to be more visible as I was wearing a tee shirt.

“Don’t blame the mirror!   For how many days have I been asking you to go for a morning walk?  You become angry whenever I remind you of your cholesterol counts”, that was an unexpected one from my wife who was also there in my room, something which I had not noticed!

“OK!  I have decided to start my morning walk from coming Wednesday”, I tried stopping a debate on a combustible topic.  I knew that Wednesday was far off and moreover, my wife would be going to our hometown on a short vacation the Monday prior!

“Don’t fool yourself! “, not budging in to my tantrums, my wife left the room brusquely.

To evade the dreading thoughts of getting up very early and forcing myself for a morning walk, I decided to buy a treadmill and surprise my wife before her return, primarily to prove  a point to her that I was equally health-conscious.   I surfed many sports shops in search of a classy treadmill.   The treadmills were available everywhere, but due to the desired surprise element, the lead time for home delivery was a concern.  Eventually, I could spot a dealer who promised to deliver the treadmill the next day itself. 

With utmost curiosity, I eagerly waited for the technician to finish assembling the treadmill at the farthest  corner of my hall room, a location chosen by the technician himself.   A little later, he tested it out, certified its condition and left.    

I believe in beauty & perfection also.  Therefore, I wanted to move the treadmill to a place facing the television, but its power cable ran short of length.   In another ten minutes, I could find an extension board and reposition the treadmill.  With immense pride, the owner of the treadmill stood on it and switched it on.  The polyurethane belt gradually started to move, but then it accelerated bizarrely for reasons unknown, making the proud owner fly off the base, and, alas, in less than two minutes, the treadmill came to an abrupt standstill!  

I called up the technician to help me out with the treadmill which was already in a state of coma.  I must have spent almost half an hour trying to coax him back.  After numerous persuasions, the technician came back from his way and had a look at it.  But, in spite of revival attempts, the treadmill was declared dead,  the cause of death reported as the faulty extension board!   

Thankfully, the dealer was magnanimous enough to give me a replacement.  After showing off with an initial surprise factor for my wife,   I continued the way I used to be.  To cut the long story short, in a month’s time, the treadmill  found its resting place near the bathroom and started to offer its services as a manual cloth dryer and a place to hang used clothes!

I looked at the mirror again.  Of course, my protruding belly had not reduced even half an inch!  With a drive to get myself transformed,   I got enthused by the teleshopping channels and decided to invest in a fitness equipment which was circular in shape and the lady who appeared in its commercial used it in a swing like fashion with much ease and advised a three-minute use everyday to attain desired results.  

“3 minutes only?”, without any second thoughts, a lazy me, fell for it!

Four days into it, I realized that three minutes were too long.  To make matters worse, one day I used it so aggressively that  I ended up with bruises on my knees – lying on the floor! 

Today, as this note goes to press, this fitness equipment is being used as a temporary teapoy, and sometimes as a stool to sit atop to pull up my socks.  Yes, it is very comfortable that way!

I looked at the mirror again.  I turned towards left, right and center!  

I have now ACCEPTED the fact that potbelly is inevitable for a handsome man.